Family System Dynamics for Writers

Family system as mobile

Family System

This post (and the series it belongs to) is about family systems and how they affect you as a writer.

The way I see it, knowing about family systems and their dynamics will help you be more successful by explaining and eliminating potential blocks and limits for your writing.

And on another level, employing your knowledge of family systems in character creation will make your stories more interesting and more believable.

Sound good? Here we go.

Family systems are everywhere.

We cannot escape being part of a family system, since we do have at least two biological parents, and usually grow up in a family. It doesn’t matter how small a family is, it forms a system.

That system also includes ancestors, that is, grandparents, uncles, aunts etc. So even if you say you don’t “have” a family, maybe because you’re living alone, it is more than likely that you are part of a family system.

In other words, everyone is part of a family system.

Including you. Continue reading

Posted in Family System Dynamics | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Perfectionism – the Archenemy of the Creative

Teacher raising her hand as she explains the rules.
Follow the rules

Now, there are times when it is useful to strive for perfectionism. Doing taxes or bookkeeping, for example. Or installing electrical wires.

But those are not creative endeavors. These are tasks where you must get it right. And getting it right means to follow the rules exactly.

Following the rules, however, is a killer when it comes to writing, painting or any other creative task.

That’s because it forces our inner critic to take over and make sure we’re doing everything right. And you know yourself how disrupting this can be.

Why do we bring perfectionism to our writing?

Because that’s how we have been taught to approach every serious task. And quite often, we take our writing serious, as well.

Basically, that’s a misunderstanding created way back in our childhood. We’ve been taught in school to follow rules and not deviate from them. We learned how to write and spell – and yes, that does take quite a bit of perfectionism to get it right in English!

So we grew up striving to do everything right and in the correct way. Aiming to be perfect.

Yet creativity doesn’t work that way. It’s not a linear process, and it follows far fewer rules. In fact, knowing and then breaking the rules is a huge part of it. Creativity relies on surprising moments, happy accidents and thinking (and coloring!) outside of the box.

Stuff we’ve been trained to avoid as kids.

How do we get perfectionism out of our writing?

That is the big question and task for every author. Basically, we need to shift from “responsible mode” and trying to get everything right into “play mode”, where no rules and boundaries exist.

And we need to do this every time we settle down to actually add words to our project.

We also need to pull ourselves out of it once we start editing. Or while we’re working on the business aspect of our author life.

In other words, we need to practice switching our perfectionism on and off.

People do that all the time.

Really? I can see you stare in disbelief.

It’s true, however.

You switch off perfectionism when you go read a book. Because you want to dive into that story and not nitpick plot points and word choice.

You switch off perfectionism when you play a game. Children do it all the time, we all have that ability.

You may have to practice it for a while, since you focused on being in “serious mode” for most of your adult life.

Enter Play Mode

But you can enter “play mode” when you sit down to write. You actually should.

Maybe you need to plan the scene a little before you dive in. Maybe you need some lines for your game. And that’s fine. It’s your job to figure this out.

“Play mode” is just another word for being creative. Words flow much more easily in “play mode”.

Learning to switch it on will increase your productivity a lot. (And I can help you with that.) Doing so means letting go of old beliefs and limiting thought patterns.

EFT tapping is a great tool to release limiting beliefs around “play mode” and around who is allowed to enter it. So here are some suggestions.

Tapping phrases

Even though I learned that “play mode” is not something adults do, and certainly not something serious authors do, I’m totally okay the way I am, and I now choose to experiment with “play mode” during my writing.

Even though I still think that “play mode” has no place in serious writing and an author business, I’m totally okay the way I am, and I now give myself permission to experiment with “play mode” during my writing time.

Even though I was taught that “play mode” has no place in serious business, and I am taking my writing seriously, I’m still totally okay the way I am, and I now choose to release all those old rules and try out “play mode” for my creative time.

*image source F. Möbius

PS: My monthly newsletter contains a full tapping round to go with my blog posts. Sign up through the form on the upper right hand corner, and receive that tapping round plus occasional special offers.

PPS: I can help you overcome old limiting beliefs, mindset blocks and emotions like resistance, fear, frustration or sadness. EFT is the fastest way I know to shift limiting beliefs, old thought habits and other kinds of blocks. Click HERE and send me an email. Together, we’ll figure out how I can support you best.

Posted in Mindset, writing craft | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Author Superpowers: Imagination

imagination

A sketch of a happy face with a horse, a star, a rocket and a heart floating around it.
Imagination

Again, this is not really a surprise. I mean, we story tellers need some imagination to create characters, settings and an interesting plot line, right?

But there’s more to that than meets the eye.

Take Star Trek, for example. Look at the tech in the original show.

Then look around you. While flip phones are a thing of the past already, we had them. Earlier than they thought, obviously, but the imagination of those writers helped others create a “future” that became real in our life times.

Remember those sliding doors in the show?

Back then, they were low-tech. There was actually a person operating them in filming, that’s how low tech they were. Now these are everywhere, and we don’t bat an eyelid at them.

Because of imagination.

Because an author asked “what if?” Because they wanted to make something different from where they lived at the moment.

Now, the superpower of imagination doesn’t just apply to the future, obviously.

It works in every area of life. We authors can always turn into our imagination and ask ourselves what would happen if… ?

And they can tell stories about it. Stories that reach other minds with different superpowers.

I could go on and on with examples of how stories inspired science and how science in turn inspired stories. If you know some, share them in a comment.

So if you have a vivid imagination, and got told as a kid to throttle it … allow yourself to bring it back. It’s a good thing. It literally changes the world.

And I have a few tapping suggestions, if you need some help in bringing it back.

Tapping phrases

Even though I was told as a kid to get real and to stop imagining things, I’m totally okay the way I am, and I now choose to bring back my imagination and enjoy it.

Even though I was scolded for my daydreaming and my vivid imagination, and I learned to tune it way down, I’m still totally okay the way I am, and I’m now open to the possibility that my imagination is a good thing.

Even though I was told to stop making things up as a kid, and being a good kid, I tried my best to stop it, I’m still totally okay the way I am, and I now give myself permission to know that my imagination is a superpower!

*image source F. Möbius

PS: My monthly newsletter contains a full tapping round to go with my blog posts. Sign up through the form on the upper right hand corner, and receive that tapping round plus occasional special offers.

PPS: I can help you overcome old limiting beliefs, mindset blocks and emotions like resistance, fear, frustration or sadness. EFT is the fastest way I know to shift limiting beliefs, old thought habits and other kinds of blocks. Click HERE and send me an email. Together, we’ll figure out how I can support you best.

Posted in General | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Author Superpowers: Teaching

Role Model
Role Model

Duh, every non-fiction author aims to teach, right?

Sure.

But how about the fiction authors?

The ones who tell stories about dragons or knights, rocket ships or romance?

Well, we fiction authors are also teachers.

We can teach facts that we tuck away in our stories, and we can teach something even more important:

How to deal with problems.
How to deal with bad situations.
How to handle betrayal or lies.
How to face challenges.
How to build a partnership.
How to find happiness…

In short, stories can teach us a lot about human life – even when it’s about dragons – and about how to be a good person.

That’s part of what keeps me writing. And reading.

I love stories where characters grow and change. Because that’s what happens in life.

If we don’t grow and change, things will get hard.

Personal growth is the most challenging aspect of life – and stories can teach us about that.

If you look closely, most of our story-telling is about that kind of change.

And if you’re a writer, embrace that aspect of your stories.

Show us challenges, hard times and the growth that comes from that.

Be a teacher.

Help readers find that part in themselves.

Help them grow.

Eeeeek!

If that part scares you, I’ve got some tapping for you. Because that fear is simply rooted in a limiting belief. And the tapping can free you so you can write stories that are more satisfying for the reader.

Tapping phrases

Even though I don’t want to be a teacher, I just want to tell a story and have my readers enjoy it, I’m totally okay the way I am, and I’m open to the possibility that story-telling is always about teaching something.

Even though I’m not happy with the idea of teaching good behavior in my stories, I’m totally okay the way I am, and I’m open to the possibility that I want my mains to be good people, in a way.

Even though I never thought about teaching when I’m writing my tales, I’m still totally okay the way I am, and I now choose to see my characters as role models for my readers.

*image source F. Möbius

PS: My monthly newsletter contains a full tapping round to go with my blog posts. Sign up through the form on the upper right hand corner, and receive that tapping round plus occasional special offers.

PPS: I can help you overcome mindset blocks and emotions like resistance, fear, frustration or sadness. EFT is the fastest way I know to shift limiting beliefs, old thought habits and other kinds of blocks. Click HERE and send me an email. Together, we’ll figure out how I can support you best.

Posted in Mindset, story telling | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Author Superpowers: Entertaining

Entertainer
Enterntainer

Duh. Of course do authors entertain. That’s almost too dumb to write out.

But is it?

All of us need to step away from reality at times. We want to escape from daily pressures, stress, or even just from the same old routine.

And we do it by escaping into fiction.

We transport ourselves into another world – of any kind. There’s lots to choose from, in a multitude of genres. The purpose is always the same, though:

We want to be entertained.

We want our attention pulled into the story.

This is the first and foremost superpower authors need to discover and develop: Write tales that are riveting enough to keep the reader’s mind entertained.

So simple.

So hard.

And yes, this is the moment where self-doubt might hit you, dear author-reader.

Don’t let it.

The mere fact you’re actually willing to tell stories demonstrates that you are an entertainer. (Hint: Most of us are, actually.) So don’t fear, you already possess that superpower – you just have to train it.

Make your tales interesting and exciting.

Make them fascinating.

And do it your way. Do it how you know best, glean from all those stories you read for your own entertainment and weave your own tale from it.

You can do this.

And I’ll help you if you doubt it. (Just let me know.)

Here’s some tapping to lead you on the way.

Tapping phrases

Even if I don’t think I can be an entertainer, I’m totally okay the way I am, and I now give myself permission to write exciting and riveting stories.

Even though I feel scared of creating stories with a lot of tension in them, after all, I’m a quiet and peaceful person, I’m totally okay the way I am, and I now choose to make my stories exciting and riveting anyway.

Even though I don’t lead an exciting life, I’m totally okay the way I am, and I now give myself permission to use my imagination to create the kind of story my readers want to disappear in.

*image source F. Möbius

PS: My monthly newsletter contains a full tapping round to go with my blog posts. Sign up through the form on the upper right hand corner, and receive that tapping round plus occasional special offers.

PPS: I can help you overcome mindset blocks and emotions like resistance, fear, frustration or sadness. EFT is the fastest way I know to shift limiting beliefs, old thought habits and other kinds of blocks. Click HERE and send me an email. Together, we’ll figure out how I can support you best.

Posted in Mindset, story telling | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Author Central – Author Rank and Personal Growth

The next menu point in Author Central (link) is the Sales Info. Below that, you’ll find

  • NPD Book Scan
  • Sales Rank
  • Author Rank

Now, before I explain in detail what that means and how seriously you should take it, I want to say something about the emotions that might come up looking at that data.

And it’s not necessarily good.

Because sales rank and author rank are markers you might confuse with success. And if they are unpleasant, you might get frustrated.

I want to suggest that you ignore these ranks. Or use them for entertainment. And most of all, that you can look at this graphs and simply smile. Because the biggest success is – especially if you are a first time author – that you got a book up available for sale.

Got that?

Good.

Now, NPD Book Scan only tracks print sales in the US, and it is SLOW. But it has one nifty feature and that is a map of where your books sold. Of course, that’s practically useless. But it’s fun to look at.

Sales Rank gives you data on each of your books, and shows you how well it performs compared to all other books on Amazon COM. You’ll see a spike for every sale (or borrow, if your book is in Kindle Unlimited), and then a gradual curve down again. It also doesn’t update quickly.

Author Rank is a little more fun. It’s calculated from your book sales, against all other authors on Amazon, but at least here you can drill down a bit into genre. My personal best was #1,594 in Fantasy.

Does that mean anything?

Not really.

First of all, Author Central is store based, unlike your sales dashboard through KDP. Right now, we’re looking at Amazon COM, and it ignores any sales in other stores such as UK, DE or Canada. Or India. So you’re only getting part of the picture anyway.

Here’s where you get to choose.

You can start getting desperate about the competition, or about the lack of sales, or about your dropping rank – or you can basically ignore it and work on your definition of success.

That means you can look at this once in a while, have fun with the sales and rank spikes, take a gander at where your print copies landed, laugh a little, and just get back to writing your next book.

I know what I prefer.

You see, getting frustrated and obsessing about sales and rank and all that data will hurt you in many ways, but most of all it’ll do this:

It will hurt your writing. It will hurt your creativity. It will make writing the next book harder.

And nothing sells your current book or books better than the next release.

Using Author Central for Personal Growth

Yes, that’s totally possible. Here’s how.

First, I would like you to take another look at that author rank. Go there. Look at it. Look at how many authors are doing better than you on Amazon COM.

Second, be aware of your feelings. Allow yourself to sense them. Don’t judge, just let them be.

And if they are negative (anger, disappointment, frustration, sadness, envy…), watch what’s coming up.

Are you judging yourself?
Blaming yourself?
Getting angry at other authors?

This is awesome tapping material. This is, in fact, what’s holding you back.

Third, use EFT tapping to release those beliefs, rants and feelings. Free yourself so you can be more creative, have more fun, and enjoy writing your books even more.

(And if you want to learn more about how to do this, shoot me an email or write a comment.)

*image source F. Möbius

PS: My monthly newsletter contains a full tapping round to go with my blog posts. Sign up through the form on the upper right hand corner, and receive that tapping round plus occasional special offers.

PPS: I can help you overcome mindset blocks and emotions like resistance, fear, frustration or sadness. EFT is the fastest way I know to shift limiting beliefs, old thought habits and other kinds of blocks. Click HERE and send me an email. Together, we’ll figure out how I can support you best.

Posted in Mindset, Resources | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Author Central and Imposter Syndrome

Buy my book!
Buy. My. Book.

Author Central is an interface you can access and set up on Amazon once you have published your first book through KDP (Kindle Direct Publishing).

There are plenty of reasons why you should do that.

  • You’ll get your own Author Page on the Amazon listings, so people can see all your books in one place. This will help your marketing immensely.
  • You can add your bio, as well as links to your websites etc. so that readers can find you easily on the interwebs.
  • You have better customer service. You can send email through Author Central, and you actually get responses from people who know the author system.
  • You get nice graphics about sales rank, both for books and your author rank. They look pretty. They don’t mean a lot.
  • People can sign up to become your “Followers”, and that’s huge. Trust me. It means Amazon will send out email when you publish a new book. Free advertising. Take advantage of that.

And I know that people have lots of resistance to actually set this up.

The biggest one is Imposter Syndrome.

That’s the feeling we don’t deserve to be treated as a full-fledged author, if we have only one book out, and possibly no sales. Or fewer than ten sales. Or mabye fewer than 100 sales. Or no prize. Or no fans, or no gaggle of fans, or only 20 people on your newsletter, or whatever qualification you want to put on “really being an author”.

The thing is… practically everyone suffers from Imposter Syndrome. Even people as famous as Neil Gaiman. (Check out his story about Imposter Syndrom here.) It’s nothing special.

Set up Author Central anyway. Trust me, it’s worth it. Continue reading

Posted in Mindset, Resources | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Tapping and Setting Up that First Amazon Ad

Creating an Amazon Ad
Creating an Amazon Ad

Yesterday, I set up my first two Amazon ads ever.

It was surprisingly easy, once I got the advertising interface to work – it was an Amazon glitch, so I don’t expect you to run into that problem.

I followed Brian Meek’s guidelines in how to set it up, although I’m fairly certain that the keyword bids are too low and will need fixing. (And yes, this probably sounds all Greek to you right now.) Still, it worked well.

It’s worth buying his book “Mastering Amazon Ads”, as well as joining his FB group. Because this is not something you can do on autopilot. Use that experience, make it available to you. All you have to do is go and get it.

So now I have two ads approved and running now – and no data whatsoever.

Because reporting is notoriously delayed. Fun times.

However, it took me quite a bit to actually be able to do this.

This is the mindset part.

The part where emotions, limiting beliefs and simple fear meld into a nasty barrier.
Continue reading

Posted in Resources | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Amazon Ads – My Keywords

Searching for Keywords
Searching for Keywords

Today, I’m documenting my keywords for my first Amazon Ad, for my book “Dragon Prey” (Hannah Steenbock is my pen name.) Gathering them was quite a chore, because I was a bit picky.

You see, keywords are supposed to drive those people to your ads who have a large chance of liking your book. Basically, you’re trying to guess which keywords they put into the search bar on Amazon, so your book can be displayed to them.

I listed keywords in three different categories in my spreadsheet, to make it easier on myself once I get to tweaking ads – by changing out keywords. These categories are:

1) Author and Series Names that are similar to what my book is about.

2) Positive Keywords, identifiying general features of my book.

3) Negative Keywords, telling Amazon NOT to show the ad to people typing those specific keywords.

Now, I don’t really want to share those author names, but I will share where and how I dug them up – and this was the really hard work. Continue reading

Posted in General | Leave a comment

What are Also-Boughts, and why do you need them for Amazon Ads?

Also Bot
Also Bot

Also-boughts are the recommendations Amazon gives you when browsing (almost) any product. They are generated from their sales database and try to match your preferences. The full text is basically:

Customers who bought this (whatever you’re looking at) also bought that (and images apper on the product page). Among authors, we also refer to this jokingly as “also-bots”, since they are generated by an algorithm.

You can easily check them by looking at your books on Amazon and see what else gets recommended.

There’s also a nifty tool that actually visualizes your also-bots for you: Yasiv.com Be warned. They have a highly annoying no-robot captcha. But they give you nice visualizations.

However, even as you can choose other stores in the menu, it only works well for Amazon COM, unfortunately. I have no idea how often they crawl Amazon in order to get their data. And if you’re looking for your books, chose “Kindle Store”, for better results.

Now I’m going to show you my also-bots for the book I want to create my ad about. It is a little cringe-worthy…

Continue reading
Posted in writing craft | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment